Its been a while since I have written a blog entry. I think I was so tied up in life that it just slipped away.

Life is funny that way. Just when we think we have it figured out, something new comes along. Sometimes I hit these life patches and I shake with frustration, fear or anger. I don't want them right then. Isn't that the truth, they never come when I want them. But should they? What would life be like if we made the decisions about what came next. I know my knee jerk response is that it would be perfect, but then I think, and maybe it wouldn't.

I start to think about what makes us who we are. What builds our character? What builds perseverance? I think back in my life and those things have never come out of a good stretch. See my growth has always come out of a situation that I did not want. If everything was easy, I wouldn't be half the man I am today.

So bring it on. Let life come with every challenge it can muster up. 

I was looking at all of my old journals and realized how my life was segmented into volumes, a collection of novels that tell the story of who I am. Sometimes we are fortunate enough to really recognize when one book ends and another book begins. Sometimes they blend together in good and bad ways. Sometimes we are just too busy to see them.

I have spent the last two and a half years doing a lot of self-excavation. Digging, demolishing, rebuilding. It has been grueling to say the least. There have been a half a dozen things that have loomed over me for much of this time. These things were and are heavy to carry. There have been many times that I felt like giving up, angry at the world for dealing me this hand. I would have been such a fool for giving up then.

The funny thing is that in our novels of life we never know how the current will end and the next will begin.

I am now in a place where many of the things I have been fighting are finally coming to an end. How much wiser I am. I would have missed all of this knowledge and experience. I see peace in the distance, a cool fresh breeze on a warm summer day.

I am seeing one book end and another begin, a brighter book. This book will not be without trouble, but maybe I can learn one thing from all of this. I will get through this. The story always continues. We just have to accept the story we have, learn from it, grow through it, and know that we can make it through it.

I am at a place that I would not trade anything for what I had to go through. It is what brought me here, moodyminds. I have already changed lives and that is worth every bit of the last two years.
Don’t give up. Keep hope.

Today I experienced something I never have before. I am a huge movie buff and have seen hundreds if not over a thousand movies. Tonight I went to see the new Karate Kid movie. It was amazing. The entire audience erupted in applause and cheers throughout the movie. It was amazing.

Now, what can we learn. There was one line in the movie that I won't forget. "Being still is very different than doing nothing."

Living with a mind that finds it difficult to be still, I found this so appropriate. Stillness is something that takes work and energy. Doing nothing is easy. Stillness brings peace, doing nothing causes unrest. Being still allows re-centering, do nothing makes a mind go into chaos.

So to all of you moody minds out there, work on being still. Learn how to shut the craziness out in the world off and turn inward.

One of the ways I do this is to focus on breathing. My mind tends to go crazy at night when I am trying to fall asleep. So I focus on the air coming in my nose and out my mouth. I imagine the air as though it was visible. I shut out any thoughts that interrupt my focus. After about five minutes of this and I am usually out cold. This principle is often described as mindfulness. You can use many different things. Some use music, aroma, yoga, art, photography or anything else that lets you be still.

Go see the movie, try some breathing, and be still my friends.

So which comes first?  Action or Attitude?

Many would say that attitude must come first.  That you have to want to do something before you can actually pull it off.  They would say that if you don't want to do something it is impossible to do it.

Well, I believe these folks are wrong.  I am a firm believer that action comes first.  If you need to get up earlier in the morning, you never feel like doing it.  If you want to start exercising, you have to make yourself go to the gym those first few weeks.  Anything that I have faced in life that I wanted to change required me to first just do it, the attitude will follow.  Give yourself some time to think about this.

I see a lot of folks with different mood disorders struggle with how they feel.  They let their feelings dictate their actions.  I know I have.  This makes for a very difficult life.

The other day I had reached the end of my rope.  My emotions were dictating what I was doing.  I finally listened to some of my own teaching and said enough.

See I did not change how I felt, I changed my actions.  I stopped crying and told myself that it was what it was.  I made my body act like I was over it.  The amazing thing is that the feelings and emotions followed soon after.  Don't get me wrong, I will still have flair ups, but I have the behaviors to turn to.

My friends, you have control of what you do.  You may not always be able to control how you feel, this I know all too well.  Whatever your mental illness, you still control your body.  You can pick up the phone, you can walk out of the bar, you can stop and smile at yourself, you can pray, you can do anything.

I think we get so comfortable in our situations that we choose not to act.  If we act then what comes next is new and scary and unknown.  If we stay right here, we know this pain.  It is not new at all.  

People, take the risk of seeing something new.  The mud we wallow in will always be there.  Take a chance that you might just like what you see on the other side.

So, first off accept that attitude WILL follow your actions.  Next, just do it.  Do what you need to do.  Stand up, call the friend, write the story, love yourself.

You will not be disappointed.  

This has been a couple of long days.  I am trying to force myself to do something that I am fighting with every breath.  I am trying to let go. 

Letting go of the things that we do not have control over is a skill that can permeate its way into all areas of our lives.  It is quite possibly one of the most useful tools in managing our moody minds.  Our days are filled with things we cannot control.  Some of those things have little consequence to us.  Others a lot more.  Maybe it is losing a job, or the death of a loved one.  Maybe it is being diagnosed with a mental illness.  Maybe it is a spouse leaving.  Each of these can be both life altering and devastating. 

There is a principle known as radical acceptance.  The idea is simple.  It is what it is.  There are things we can change and there are things we cannot.

Letting go of or accepting the things we cannot control seems logical.  Almost simplistic.  It is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do in my life.  It is something that can only become easier with practice.  I wish I had more great nuggets of wisdom here, but I don't.  I am simply trying to learn this myself.

I will say that the not so frequent times I am able to do it, it brings a calmness and peace that does not happen very often in this moody mind.  

Another step towards having some control over my mind.

We walk through our lives and bump into a number of people.  Some of them we notice, many of them we do not.  On occasion we bump to someone that impacts our lives.  Something they do leaves a mark that will never be forgotten.  Sometimes this mark is painful, others it brings a pleasure that is difficult to put in words.

There is someone who joined my blog and said some kind things.  She let me know that this is useful, and is helpful.  I in exchange went to check her blogging spot and the bump happened.  

She wrote of bubbles.  Imagining our life's memories and events being contained in the bubbles that float through the air.  If it were possible to pop the ones we no longer wanted and gently hold the ones we treasure.

I am always looking for unique ideas of ways to physically manage our minds.  She describes being in a bath tub surrounded with bubbles.  When she went to get out she popped a few and felt a bit stronger.

We walk through our lives living in our minds.  We spend countless hours in a place that can be very hostel.  These simple physical actions can help to bring us out of our mind scape.  So, DC, I thank you for this accidental friendship that has left a mark.  A good one.

And to all of you that are reading go pop some bubbles, smile at yourself in the mirror, look up and watch a few leaves fall.  Take charge and get out of your mind.  You see this is the only way we can recognize when we bump into someone that we should remember. 

I had a thought today.  The day started with some real challenges.  One of them is a major trigger for me.  I could feel myself falling down the rabbit hole.  Feeling myself picking up speed.  My immediate thoughts were to get as far from any one as possible, assume a fetal position, and cry the rest of the day.

So I went home, turned off my cell phone assumed the fetal position and cried.  Three hours later, don't worry I did not cry the whole time, I had a decision to make.  Sunday nights at 6 PM, I meet with a group of people from my church.  I was not feeling it today.  I was so tempted to pull the blanket over my head and just stay put.  I thank God that something in me made me get up.

I spent two hours with some of my dearest friends.  I love them, and they love me.  It was a great landing pad for me.

Let's talk about landing pads.  I define a landing pad as a predefined place that I can go when a trigger gets fired.  I am working on defining more of these as I discover more of my triggers.  These places can be a friends house, or a park, or a drive to look at the trees.  It may be a phone call to your mom.  The point is, by setting these things up before hand, you do not have to think about them when you need them.  You just do it.

Landing pads should be soft, kind, loving places that can help you refocus.  When a trigger goes off, the damage comes from all of the automatic thoughts that come from them.  The thoughts are all too often negative.  By having this soft spot to land, you can stop the thoughts and replace them with ones that are good and helpful.

I am planning a post in the near future about triggers, symptoms, and landing pads.  Until then, remember, falling on a bean bag does not hurt like falling on rocks. 

Oh, one more thing.  It works, tonight I sit and type in a good frame of mind that I did not have earlier today.  Thanks guys, I owe this to you. 

One of the biggest things that I hear is how people with mental illness struggle with the practical part of living.  Many of the things that we learn are great mental tools to help focus on the current situation.  They are great for regaining control of your mind.  The challenge is getting from the point of the symptom to the behavior that brings you back.

Mindfulness is one of the key tools to use in regaining some control.  When I am in a depressive state, my mind is often filled with so many negative things.  The thoughts fly at me with such speed, I can rarely remember three thoughts ago.  I first have to catch the thought.  I cannot control the the first thought, but I do have control of what the next one is.

It is so simple to let the thoughts run on their own.  I have to jump in front of the mental traffic to stop one of them.  This is not easy.  It is possible.  I had a conversation with another person about this and recommended he carry a piece of rope in his pocket.  When the thoughts go wild, touch the rope.  Think of it as a stopping rope of the old street cars.  It was simple and it allowed him to stop the thoughts and start injection the positive ones.