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7. July 2010 11:09
I remember March 11, 2008 like it was yesterday. That was the first day I was in the hospital. I was scared, lost, filled with panic; I was crashing straight for the ground at 100mph. The first thing I had to do was learn. I needed to know what I was facing. The reality of it was I was facing something that would never go away and was not going to prove an easy combatant.
What was your experience? What did you have to overcome? What was the hardest thing you faced?
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2. June 2010 17:31
For the past two years I have been working on this web site. The seed was planted in my mind during my first hospital stay. Now we are finally here. I have brought a bunch of blog writings from the past. I hope they can touch a heart or two out there.
As I turn and look back I see so much. Good, bad, and ugly. There are many times that I would have wished I didn't have to go through. There are also times that I would not have missed. What I have discovered is that all this time was needed. See, I could not be here if I had not gone down the road I did.
I would not have discovered myself.
I would not have forgiven myself.
I would not have learned to love myself.
So, was it a long road? You bet. Was it hard? You bet. Was it the only way to here? You bet, and I'm glad I took it.
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26. June 2009 17:55
The undeniable faith of a five year old. My son was getting a toy under a table the other night. While climbing out from under it, he whacked his knee and immediately began to scream. This was not the kind of fake "I want attention" cry, this was the I am really hurting scream. The first words out of his mouth were "Kiss It!"
Of course I did, then calmed him with a little humor. Then it hit me like a train.
This little boy really believed that a simple kiss from his father would make all of the pain go away. Thats all it would take. No questions, no ifs, no buts, nothing. After a kiss the pain went away.
I want this. Just that simple answer to the pain.
"Kiss it Father just kiss it!"
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5. November 2008 13:04
I have had the pleasure of meeting an incredible woman. She is turning out to be a great friend. God has led her out of a darkness that most of us could not dream up if we were writing a fictional story of the worst things that could happen to a person.
The details are not important here, but there is one thing I will share. She used to be a cutter. Someone who cuts themselves, is doing this to escape, to punish, to try to calm their incredibly moody mind. Their desire is not to die, or to do so much damage that they need stitches. They do it to distract themselves from the life they live.
I saw a picture of this woman, and I saw the scars on her arm. It was quite alarming. She had told me that she did this, but until I saw the marks on her arm, it had not set in. I really struggled with it. Later that day, God shared an amazing thing with me. He asked me a simple question. "Do you not have as many scars as she does? Yours are simply on the inside."
I was floored. At first I did not understand why she would not want to always wear long sleeved shirts. Why she did not want to hide them. I could not believe that she was not embarrassed by this. I thought I was questioning her. The reality, I was really saying I can't let anyone see my scars. I cannot uncover the things I have done. I cannot show the world how I have struggled. I do not want to see them everyday.
I realized that what I thought was a weakness on my friend, was really a giant hole in my heart.
I now know how brave she really is. I now see that she has truly accepted God's new creation in her. I see that she is one of the strongest people I have ever met.
Thanks E. Thank you for helping me see that I am no different. In fact, I am further behind in healing than you. Thank you for helping me see it is time to show my scars and be proud of where God has brought from.
